I will not leave you
When you are suffering
I will not leave you
When your heart is wrecked
I will not leave you
When you are gravely ill
I will not leave you
When you are devastated
When you are shattered
When you are on the brink
Of a permanent exit
I will never leave you
As human beings
I believe
We are here
To help
One another
Stay alive
Our future has always been
Unpredictable
Uncontrollable
Entirely out of our hands
Only nowadays
We are universally
Confronted by this
Unsettling reality
Every moment of every day
As we collectively
Wait to exhale
We are better served
To use our energy
To live in the now
For it is only
In this singular moment
We know what’s happening
Writers grab your pens
Painters clean your brushes
Performers warm up your voices
What there is to say
About all this
Does not exist yet
We need you to create it
I climbed to the mountain top
With a mask in my pocket
There was no one there
No one even near
Just my deepest breaths
My acquaintances
I took for granted
Back when we were free
I spot a distant hiker
Find my mask and tie it on
As I make the view
A silent promise
On some far away spring day
When this is all forgotten
I will be grateful
When it takes my breath away
Time for a role call
Worriers raise your hands up
Thank you for your careful plans
That rarely go astray
A sculptor of solutions
Your insomnia dreams up
In your unique thoughtfulness
Your stress betrays you
Always apologizing
For all your fretting
Dear warrior worriers
Here is what you may not know
Worry is not bad
It is only a symptom
Of the power of your heart
Dancing the fine line
Between I do not
Want to bother you
And are you okay
Why does the universal
Surreal shaky sadness
Feel impolite to address
There are no straps on these boots
We should kick them off
In our authentic
United uncertainty
We have no reason
Not to wear our weariness
Like a bronze medal
We deserve to be proud of
Emptying my purse
Sighing as I check pockets
Finding my chapstick
A peppermint and bus pass
Faded movie ticket stub
Three crumpled dollars
My prettiest pen
But alas what I’m seeking
Simply is not there
Here we go again
I cannot find my mask
Feeling the fatigue
That comes with days lived inside
Wrestling frustration
Because of a tiny thing
Barely there issues
Spark hard to handle anger
Unspoken apologies
Mingling in voices
Because we all feel
The ever present weight
Of not knowing what to do
In ten years from now
Come meet me at the movies
Searching for our seats
We will voice our certain doubts
That the film will skew the facts
Favoring romance
Sweeping music will distract
From real history
With our popcorn and soda
We will finally sit down
Ready for disappointment
No way will they get this right
Not how we lived it
The theater gets dark
2020 reads the screen
As we nearly roll our eyes
But as the big numbers fade
Together we are startled
By our brimming tears
Because we are holding hands
I hated parties
Sighing at invitations
Too crowded too loud
Yelling not talking
Was exhausting and boring
I would start planning
When to leave when I arrived
Two hours should do
Here in solitude
I imagine with great love
A loud long crowded party
I will one day throw
She and he were on the cusp
Of turning into an us
But not close enough
To manage six feet apart
Technology betrayed them
Love had not yet crystallized
There was not enough
To maintain or replicate
In solitary limbo
She was uncertain
Of how to miss him
In his silence he agreed
Possibility faded
As they disintegrated
Without an ending
Of what had not begun
From horribly wrong
To just a little bit off
Days are long and strange
But in our hiding
We are free of perfection
As our long required goal
Putting on our masks
We gently removed
The ones we never needed
Why not tell the truth
When all of us are losing
Someone we loved
Something we needed
Some semblance of us
At least we can raise
Our united hands
Sanitized and gloved
From the closest we have been
At six feet apart
On harsh winter days
Summer is a distant dream
But it is guaranteed
With a collective sigh of relief
We stroll in the sunshine
Embrace starlit breezy nights
Voice our gratitude daily
Without reminder or reason
We effortlessly thrive
In our vibrant togetherness
On these identical days
My mind will wander
In sad directions
Into the endless unknown
With one exception
Summer has not yet arrived
Of its perfect promise
I will not let go
I have wondered why
My most level headed friends
Are acting so strange
Scattered and confused
Relentless in their projects
Exhausted but wired
Smiling through sad tired eyes
Refusing defeat
Against internal battles
Such a mystery
But then one day it hit me
My cool and collected friends
Are unfamiliar
With intense anxiety
With no sign of letting up
It does not make sense
There is nothing they can do
They are always shook
I wish I could help
If only I knew how to
Suddenly old roles reversed
Here’s to the women with “strong personalities” for their determination and drive.
Here’s to the women who are “too emotional” for all the love they dare to share and fight for.
Here’s to the women who “only” care about their work or “only” care about their family who actually care deeply about both.
Here’s to the women who look “too perfect” for looking just the way they wish to.
Here’s to the women who “don’t care how they look” for looking just the way they wish to.
Here’s to the women who are who they are and do what they do because it needs to be done.
Here’s to the mothers, the sisters, the friends, the helpers,the healers, the fighters, the lovers, the superheroes of our time.
Here’s to us.
She made a fine art
Out of never talking
About herself
No one noticed
She stayed focused on them
How little they knew
They never realized
Until she vanished
Onto a new life chapter
Only she would write
Only she would read
In its entirety
The future doesn’t exist yet
No sense worrying
About something that does not exist
Sky high red heels
On rain covered bricks
Not the road she planned on
Still the road she had to walk
A light within sight
She walked toward the home
She thought she had lost
She wanted to run to it
Instead one click at a time
Her journey was ending
She could start again
In my pandemic daze
I wanted to stay in bed
Trying to dream
Sadness away
Numbers
On a bluebird
Would remind me
I had at least
Thirteen words
To get up to write
You prompted me
To turn on my light
You prompted me
To keep going
I wish I told you
I wish you knew
Thank you
I did not know
I loved him
Until he broke my heart
She never realized
She was in love on time
Relationships were lost
From her not knowing
She was in love with him
Until a year after they faded
A life of perseverance
Is a life well lived
You have seen the dark
You have found the light
You have been wounded
You have healed yourself
You have lost and won
Endured highs and lows
You have lived a life
You fiercely loved
You never stopped
Fighting for it
She thought of him constantly
She forgot he did not know that
She assumed he did not love her
Until she realized she forgot
To tell him she loved him
In more than just her thoughts
I became a poet
When daily life
Defied explanation
Unfathomable
It all flowed out
In a million ways
From flowery love poems
To Hemingway prose
That was close enough
A standalone quote
Wading my way through
Our nightmare
I found poetry
To be
The great escape
I needed
To be
That is the answer
In this waking dream
Until tomorrow comes
Without sound and fury
May we live too wisely
As the band plays on
Until the dawn breaks
Midsummer as we like it
In life one never knows
What reality may come
The perfectionistic writer
Stared at her blank screen
Paralyzed
The magic
The music
The love
The pain
The longing
The wisdom
The kindness
The imaginings
Of her heart and mind
Never made it
To the page
The breathtaking beauty
Of her imperfection
Lost
When he offered her help
She wanted to collapse in his arms
With relief and gratitude
Instead she smiled through weary eyes
Telling him it was fine
She did not need any help
Even though it was the greatest
Saddest lie she had ever told
Write not for your critics
Real or imagined
Write for the people
Who needs your words
To find inspiration
To gain relief
To feel less alone
To make it through
Their days
Their lives
Love is not a transaction
I am not keeping score
Of who loves who more
She said through irate tears
Stop tallying up my mistakes
Stop blaming me for you
Before his routine apology
She grabbed her purse
Pocketed her keys and left
Tragedy struck
Friends and family
Swarmed around her
Constant support
Day and night
Gradually time went on
Their lives moved on
The dust had settled
It all faded for them
Her grief still shouting
Loudly in her ears
No one checking up on her
Not anymore
Stay brave
On the hard days
On the dark days
On the long days
They are your days
You have the power
To transform
Cutting ties is not easy
When tinged with faint hopes
You did not even know were there
The sting eased by a golden gift
Your self-respect
Love affairs do not
Fit in neat packages
A touch of romance exists
In beautiful friendships
Yet is deemed not enough
Looking at each other
Eyes sparking like diamonds
Between two unique souls
With nothing to prove
To anyone but each other
This too is true love
I promise
A harvest moon
Lit the cemetery
Just enough
For the girl to see
Ghosts waltzing
To the music
Of their lives
He loved her
In tiny undetectable ways
His heart singing
His love reverberating
His sparking eyes
Beaming full of love
When a diamond
Graced her finger
He cried out
How could you
I loved you
She offered a puzzled
I am sorry
I could not hear
Love in your silence
Poems of Pandemic Days by Alice Curley 